The truth is not loud
It is not even true
It’s just there, to not
Even be there
Blind and mumbling
Unspeakable and
Hardly breathing
And when I hold it and
Weigh it in my hand, it
Feels heavy and cold
I can see right through
And through into everything
And nothing, beyond
Indefinitely Autumnous
My liver spotted, even
Though my grave was dug
Already dreadful, my
Penny drops but the spoils
Are never mine to keep
revruss1220 wrote about his spouse being critical about his chosen outfit. He didn’t protest the criticism, but instead went upstairs to put together a more color-coordinated ensemble.
He explains that, as he grew older, it became clearer to him that the need to wear ‘the right’ clothes wasn’t that important anymore. He felt the pressure of fitting in lessen. One, because he became more confident with himself, and two, because his faith taught him not to worry so much about the perceptions of others.
I never felt I had to fit in. In fact, I did my best to not fit in. Until I grew older also, and it became less important to try and always be at war with the world about everything.
I think it is because my older self is seeing the benefit of being a little more selfish. And selfish old me has noticed that a lot has to do with energy consumption and preservation.
It matters to me more, the amount of energy I have to put into something and what exactly I will get out of it. If the balance between the two is off, then I’d rather focus on something else when I have the choice. And I have seen that I have that choice much more often than I used to think.
My face hurts and
My heart glows
Unsteady hands
Refusing to hold on
And when the glass
Shatters, pieces
Of your smile are
Everywhere I look
I wave in the air
I reach in the dirt
My skin as dead as
The ashes from which
I came to be
From the flames
That gave life to me
Colin Devroe says he is blogging for himself. He quotes Jeremy Keith, who notes that the amount of time, thought or research that goes into a post is not indicative of how well it will resonate with people. Colin goes on to say that he posts with the expectation that what he wrote will only be read by a small number of people, but that several posts he would have never thought would be of any real interest to people, in actuality turned out to be quite popular.
I love that. Because I think the really interesting blog posts are not written with the intent of garnering as much readers/viewers as possible, targeting a well-defined audience, but because someone has actually something to say (to themselves) or wants something to remember or to be remembered (archived, if you will). Writing for an intended audience is just marketing. It takes the heart away.
I haven’t been unsurer about anything than at this point in my life. And that is a good thing. To be unsure means that everything is open. Nothing is set in stone. So, anything can happen.
One thing I try to close myself off for though: nostalgia. I want to look down and look forward, leave what is in the past where it is supposed to be: behind me. The path I walk is what brought me here. And here right now is pretty great.
When I think where my next step could take me, I am excited. I don’t know what I will encounter, but I will be living (or dying).
And it does not have to be easy either. Well, I mean ‘easy’ in the sense that static is easy. A status quo won’t get me anywhere. Time is moving. To get somewhere I have to put one foot in front of the other. And sometimes wave my arms a bit. Bend my knees. Twirl. Jump. Bob my head.
… but never be believed.
I Talked to the Cassandra of the Internet Age
Michael Goldhaber saw it all coming:
“…the complete dominance of the internet, increased shamelessness in politics, terrorists co-opting social media, the rise of reality television, personal websites, oversharing, personal essay, fandoms and online influencer culture — along with the near destruction of our ability to focus.”
Charlie Warzel (The New York Times) – I Talked to the Cassandra of the Internet Age
And while it is nice to read about someone who was actually smart enough to be able to see ahead, to see what the consequences and implications of these (technical) developments and changed perspectives are, I am not sure how that in itself helps us.
Fact is, we didn’t hear it and we didn’t listen to it at the time it was being said. It made not enough of an impact to prevent from happening what is now happening and already has happened. Goldhaber himself told Warzel that it is simply impossible to escape this ‘attention economy’. And with what I see going on in my life on a daily basis, I completely agree.
Goldhaber identifies the shamelessness that is underpinning success in such a system. The attention economy rewards those who manage to get into the spotlight and have the biggest audience the most. So the pressure to be always ‘on’, as he puts it, is immense and it is taking its toll on a lot of people.
It is true, I do see more and more people taking a step back and thinking about how we can change things around. And some of them even manage to take action. But while they come up with very insightful stuff and in some cases manage to successfully implement a significant different way of doing things, we’re still a long way off from making actual, substantial change in the way we are all living together om this planet.
(BTW – For anyone who didn’t immediately knew who this ‘Cassandra’ was, I had to look it up also.)
It’s snowing for a few hours already and a little stormy now, at 2 am. I wonder what the world will look like in the morning. Twenty centimeters of snow will fall, they’ve said.
Cover me in mud, wrap
My bones and keep me
With you, until I have
Made my journey through
The gates into the field
And see you home again
Twan is here 