Addiction and dependence

I am going to stop vaping and smoking. As of tomorrow.

I started vaping (using juice with nicotine) to quit smoking. And it kind of worked — I usually just vape. But there are still plenty of periods when smoking cigarettes enters my life again. As it is doing currently. I am not dependent on them any more, because I get my steady stream of nicotine hits during the day from vaping. But because I am still craving nicotine, a cigarette now and then does not seem like a big thing. (It is, of course.)

It is simple: smoking is just terribly bad for my health. I know. And while vaping is arguably way better, to just keep the dependence on nicotine going does not seem such a smart move anymore. That addiction is going to fuck me up. So, I am done. As of the first of December 2021, I stop. No more dependencies.


Enjoyment is not real to me, when dependency is involved. When feeling guilty and regret are sneaking in right after. That, to me, is not enjoyment. That is setting myself up for disappointment and failure. Feeling inadequate. And it is me, who is doing this to myself? How dumb is that? It eats away at my (life-) time, my money and my well-being.

Saying ‘I have an addictive personality’ kind of makes it sound like a badge of honor to me. That, or either like some lame excuse to keep on doing what I’m doing. (An addictive personality is not even a real thing.) But if at the same time I am jealous of people that seem (at least) not to have these problems and are feeling healthy and energetic, something is off. Not feeling in control makes me feel weak and dirty.


And by publicly announcing it, I think I am giving myself an extra push. That said, the real push needs to come from within of course. And it does. I once stopped smoking for thirteen years, after numerous tries before that. So I know. From experience I know that the right mindset is the only thing that will really help me maintain my abstinence.

I’m just done feeling like crap. That’s it.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

3 thoughts on “Addiction and dependence

  1. Pingback: First day of quitting – live blog | Twan is here

  2. christcenteredruminations

    Candid post here friend. I like how brave you are in sharing this post. The term addiction connotes something that has become maladaptive, and possibly, might even be disrupting the person’s life in one way or the other. Addictions can be hard to deal with, however, there are ways around it. Firstly, it is important to ask questions such as what leads me to this addiction? For many addictions, there is an underlying cause. For example, a person might drink a lot when they think of how much they have been bullied. They are drinking and might be addicted to drinking as a way to express their grief, but the drinking is a symptom of their worrying about their bullying. if they stop worrying about the bullying, they’ll stop drinking, you get the gist. Secondly, forums where people with similar addictions gather can be useful, so long as they do not praise the addiction and say it is okay. You can see how they are coping. Additionally, people who used to formerly have the addiction, but who no longer have it, can be a great resource, because you can ask them how they overcame it. Just google the addiction and google for people who have overcome it. Lastly, God is the King. God is able to help us to overcome many of the things that tie us down and weigh us down, yes, even addictions.

    The Bible says in Hebrews 2:18 in reference to Jesus:
    “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted”.

    God is able to help, and he would love to connect with you.

    If anyone reading is interested in building a relationship with God, I have a post on that here: 

    There is much more to know about God. I post frequently on my blog about topics related to God. You are welcome to follow my blog to keep up with my content.  

    -All the best. May God bless you. 

    Liked by 1 person


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