Tag Archives: fiction

Nothing to it | just bleed

Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.

― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

Evanescence – Use My Voice

I love writing. I can do it anywhere, anytime. Scribble. Or type. Think about it. Or pour my heart out. Any way I like it. There are no rules. Maybe you think there are, but believe me, there are not. How awesome is that? I can just think of something, or make stuff up, write it down.

I have a voice. Like you. You may not know it. You may not think it. But you do. Find it. Use it. Like I do.

Do I want to share it? Keep it to myself? It is up to me. I am in charge. And I love it. There are so many options. I can decide. I have control. Or maybe I just let go. Who knows? I just start, just do. Discover how great I can be. Am. Or how bad I suck. It doesn’t matter either way.

I don’t need to be a reader. I know that now. I thought I had to, but no more. I just have to want to write. And I do. And I do.

I can look different. I can look the same. I can not be seen. I can be lifelike. Fake. Whole. Or broken. I can get mean. I can be gentle. I can be me. Or somebody else. Anyone else. I get to pick.

I don’t have to wait. I can do it now. Here.

I can post. Share. Or not. Now, or later. I can be safe, or seek out danger. For real, or just on the page. And what is real? When I write, it becomes real. As real as can be. As real as I want. As you want it to be. For you. I just wrote it. You read it. It is my gift to you. To me. Take it, leave it. I want it, I have it. You can have it. If you want it.

I can tell a story. My story. Somebody’s. Anybody’s. I can be truthful. Or lie. And it is all right. It is all good. Or bad. It really does not matter. But I do. I just do. I just enjoy. I hope you do too.

I wish you well.

Randomness

Soundtrack

[Previously published on Twan’s Newsletter]

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Taking stock

It is time for me to regroup, rethink and refocus. To think about what I am and what I want. And also: what I am not and what I should leave well alone. Because when I start thinking of everything I could be, it distracts me from what I really am. And what I am — if I am honest to myself — is actually good enough, at the least.

This means that I should not walk past the here and now, with my head in the clouds and my eyes watery from staring at what’s at the horizon. There is a difference between challenging myself and being distracted by perceived possibilities.

No harm in trying

I noticed that I am very good at seeing opportunities and thinking to myself that I want everything and can do anything. No harm in trying, right?

Wrong. Because I know I will start stressing out about everything I need to do to get where I think I want to be. Again, all the while not taking in where I already am at that moment, and still also having to deal with everything that happens there.

Tidy up

So now I feel it is time for me to take stock. To see where I’m at and what I have. To not add more things to do before I actually need to. And can articulate why. Tidy up here and there. Although — come to think of it, I should not be tidying up too much. I have a tendency to get rid of things on a whim when I think I am done with them or when I get frustrated when things are not going as I think they should. (But maybe that is something for another blog post.)

Committing

And then start working on it. To really take it all in and run with it for a while. When I take an honest look at myself, I see that I usually don’t do that. Not really. I will get an idea, I will try it and I will play with it for a while and then, without really dismissing it or embracing it, I am already on to the next thing that I just have to get my hands on, or to get my brain wrapped around. There is so much interesting stuff out there, right? But when it comes down to it, that is really not productive, nor is it satisfying.

Blogging

All of this also translates to this blog. Several things come to mind when I think about what I am not, and what distracts me from what I know; and what I can and should do.

Getting rid of the messy blog posts that are all over the place for instance. I did some cleaning up, tweaked some posts here and there to make it fit again to the new categories and my new view on things.

(That’s right, no more photos and music. I moved those to Twan snaps and Twan’s ear. All the random links and notes and other stuff ended up at Twan’s mind — Feel free to click/tap around and check stuff out.)

But also these, short, constructed poems, filled with symbolism. When I read them again and think about how I wrote them, I think they are not clear enough and could be more personal, be more telling. They could do with more time and attention. And I think their style needs to change. It needs to be more personal, show more of me.

Basically, I want to gather my ideas and thoughts and then sit down and start writing and get more ideas and thoughts while doing that. Enjoy and cherish the process more, if you will.

Okay. So far for my reflections and intentions. Now I have to figure out how to make this stick.